If you watch this video, you will desperately want a baby…

If you watch this video, you will desperately want a baby elephant. But you can’t have a baby elephant. They don’t sell them at the pet store. I checked. I found a guy on craigslist that said he would give me one, but I guess I was in the personals section. It turns out a “baby elephant” is just a dude who tapes flappy ears next to his penis.

What I’m trying to say is that life is cruel. If I were Oprah I would give everyone a baby elephant.

But I am not Oprah.

Yet.